Germany

Germany said on Monday that a summit of EU leaders next Sunday would not produce a miracle cure for the euro zone's sovereign debt crisis, a warning that pushed down markets after a rise in the past week on expectations of a breakthrough.

Heidi, a cross-eyed opossum who became an internet sensation in Germany, winning three times more Facebook admirers than Chancellor Angela Merkel, is dead, her zoo said Wednesday.

German comedian Martin Sonneborn is well-known for jokes bordering on the tasteless. But a satirical political billboard of him posing in blackface makeup as US President Barack Obama is sparking outrage.

Any time a major bank releases a report saying a given course of action is too costly, too prohibitive, too blonde, or simply too impossible, it is nearly guaranteed that that is precisely the course of action about to be undertaken. Which is why all non-euro skeptics are advised to shield their eyes and look away from the just released report by UBS (of surging 3 Month USD Libor rate fame) titled "Euro Break Up - The Consequences." UBS conveniently sets up the straw man as follows: "Under the current structure and with the current membership, the Euro does not work. Either the current structure will have to change, or the current membership will have to change."

A red-faced restaurant owner in southern Germany admitted Sunday she had turned away Sweden's king and queen when they asked for a table after failing to recognise them.