Why your relationship is sexless and how to reignite the passion

Just why and when it happens most men and women would not have a clue about. Too often they blame the children, the demands of work, the lack of sleep.

(...) So how does one resuscitate the sex in their relationship?

"By taking care of the sex bit, one must attend to other matters as well. An action plan should include the following," Dr Fulbright says.

1. Be introspective. You need to start with yourself, asking some tough questions on how your relationship got to this point. Items to consider include: What does the lack of sex indicate? Could it be that you’re not a good match? Has your relationship reached its expiration date? Or, is there a much bigger problem to tackle outside of the bedroom?

2. Talk about your sex life and relationship. This matter can be very difficult to discuss, but is well worth the effort since couples who talk about sex tend to have healthier marriages. In doing so, you want to raise awareness without blaming or sulking. Simply point out what’s going on without issuing ultimatums or making threats. Let your partner know that you want to talk about what can be done to fix things.

3. Only worry about yourselves. You are in this for you, and you do not need to keep up with the Joneses. Don’t allow yourselves to feel abnormal or unhealthy for not having sex, as society tends to make us feel. Don’t put pressure on yourselves when it comes to having an “ideal” amount of sex.

4. Plan for a break. Get sex off of the back burner by making time for it on a regular basis. While the occasional vacation can be just what the doctor ordered, seek to take time off from work (and send any kids away) to be alone at home. Balance this with efforts to connect outside of the bedroom and in non-sexual ways.

5. Seek professional help to establish or re-establish communication. Working with a therapist or counselor is great to establish a safe environment. Such a professional can help you to reach your goals, examine the reasons for a lack of motivation, and face past and present influences that are contributing to the situation.

As you take steps to get to a better place, it’s important to realize that couples can be happy without sex since it’s only one form of intimacy. Being intimate in ways beyond the bedroom is perfectly fine. Yet the importance of sex is not to be underestimated.

In a 1993 study, Donnelly found that those in a sexless marriage are likelier to have thought about divorce than those in sexually active marriages. Research published in the Journal of Sex Research in 2001 further reported that those who are involuntarily celibate frequently experience anger, self-doubt, frustration and depression, Dr Fulbright says.